I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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