I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last night I used snow as a chaser
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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