Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
