I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
