Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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