Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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