I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
