there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
MIDGETS
????
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
