My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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