so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
