Having a random hookup so left but love u
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
