But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
