That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
