It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
