i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
