I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
