No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
