my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
