I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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