Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
did i just pee glitter
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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