a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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