thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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