should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
