I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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