Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
