I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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