Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
