She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize
