My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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