i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
