I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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