Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
