How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
