dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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