3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need to stop coming to work sober
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
