I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
