Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
