my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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