i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
