If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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