Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
