I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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