DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so much tequila, so little girl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
