the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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