Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize