dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
