White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
