My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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