Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
