i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
