having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
