I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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