Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
