how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize