i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize