WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
