very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
