There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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