dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
