Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
