if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
