No stitches, just platelets and will power
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
