Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize