A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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