If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize