Duck Duck Cougar?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
