i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize