I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
