dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
