I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
